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Escrito por Cronos el sábado, 17 de octubre de 2009

El buscador de sueños.

Siembro sueños si despierto,
para poder respirar,
y en mi ensueño encuentro aliento
para despues lamentar
como a todos va matando
con saña la realidad,
y me invita al dulce sueño
de no tener que soñar...

Y me desvelo.

Es duro el día que encuentras,
que no hay sueños por soñar,
que los hubo, y ya están muertos,
que es dificil respirar
sumido en el desaliento...

Y en una visita al infierno
se revela una verdad,
que me enseña mi sendero
hacia un nuevo despertar:

El dolor es porque sueño
con algún día soñar...

Y si llega la hora fatal,
en la que no pueda mas
y no me quede ni el sueño
de un día volver a soñar,
me dejaré irme con ellos,
a nuestro sueño final...

Y el sueño estará completo.

Que conste que, aunque no es la respuesta a cierto reto que cierto colega me lanzó -el de escribir algo "en positivo"-, el poema ES positivo. Si, lo se, no lo parece. Sin embargo es un pensamiento, o más bien u sentimiento, o , por ser correctos, ambas cosas a la vez, que me ha ayudado en algunas ocasiones, y que me sigue ayudando.

He escrito en innumerables ocasiones que la poesía es como una fotografía, que describe un momento, una situación, unos minutos... Lo que quiero que se entienda es que esta foto no es la del durante, sino la del despues de necesitar ese pensamiento-sentimiento.

Me he respondido a unas cuantas preguntas. Me he quitado algunas vendas de los ojos. En realidad, llevo intentando hacerlo desde hace meses, pero supongo que no era capaz, o no sabía exactamente cuales eran las claves de mi propio estado. Ahora que lo se, ahora que lo veo, ahora que me doy cuenta de que una parte de mi se ha estado engañando a si misma durante demasiado tiempo por miedo, ceguera, cerrazon, comodidad, desidia, o lo que quiera que fuese, ahora que lo se, entiendo un monton de sensaciones y de reacciones, y entendiéndolos puedo racionalizarlos, y sacar conclusiones. En realidad, todo va unido, integrado. Es como dar un paso adelante. Una -otra- catarsis.

Comprender y asumir implica poder continuar. Siempre, todo, ha estado en mi interior, en empeñarme en continuar cometiendo los mismos erores, en no entender -asumir, en realidad, hablo de sentimientos- que el pasado ya se fue, que por mucho que las historias se repitan y que todas las canciones son la misma, un solo detalle puede cambiar los finales, y, sobre todo, que lo importante es disfrutar de lo disfrutable mientras cantas... porque quiza esta vez no desafines, o llegues a un tono al que nunca habias llegado, o las imperfecciones hagan mas bella la cancion.

Mi error fue no cantar. Querer y creer y actuar como si lo que nunca quise que cambiara no hubiera cambiado. Soñar con sueños muertos porque creí no tener otros, cuando en realidad lo que sucedía era que no me dejaba soñar, porque no quería ir a mas entierros. Ni siquiera era el dolor de no poder volver a donde había estado. Era miedo.

Y - extraño en mi- lo mejor es que no me siento culpable. Ya no. Por esto no. A nadie he perjudicado más que a mi mismo, y ni ese perjuicio me hace sentir mal, puesto que creo haber aprendido una importante leccion. Una vez más. Y aun así, porque se que mi bienestar influye en el de otras personas, lo siento. Nunca fue mi intencion.

¿Y ahora? No lo se.

Ese sueño aun está por soñar.

Lo verdaderamente importante es que quiero soñarlo.
18 Comentarios

Enviado por na el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

por algo dicen eso del mas vale tarde que nunca, por algo dicen que nunca es tarde.
suerte en el intento.
Enviado por mismamenteyo el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Pues yo no estoy de acuerdo, lo siento si te chafo la ilusión. No está escrito en positivo. Si después de salir de la situación que te ha hecho escribir eso, sigues pensando en cómo saliste de ella.... lo siento pero eso no es nada en positivo. Es seguir pensando en lo mismo.
De todos modos, el reto no era escribir en positivo (que no estaría mal para variar jejeje), el reto era escribir algo totalmente opuesto a lo que escribes. Vamos, hacer de 'negro' si lo quieres ver así. No era un reto a tu personalidad, era/es un reto a tu capacidad de escribir. Un buen cocinero tanto hace un cocido como una paella (jo, que hambre!!!), si solo haces buenos cocidos no eres un buen cocinero, en todo caso solo eres un buen 'cocidero'.
Ale!, ya lo he aclarado, el reto sigue en pie.
Enviado por Cronos el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Hombre, si partimos de la base de que escribo sobre como me siento, y yo se como me siento y tu no (cosas del fuero interno y tal), si digo que es positivo y se que es positivo, pues positivo se queda. Vamos, que no acepto rearbitrajes sobre como me siento cuando el que siente soy yo.

Aceptar que algo te ha dolido, entender porque y aprender de ello es algo positivo, al menos para mi. Y pensar sobre ello, tambien, un ejercicio positivo. De hecho, en el texto describo un cambio, y para ello es necesario hablar del antes y del despues. Quizá el problema esté en lo que tu crees o entiendes como positivo, y lo que yo creo y entiendo como positivo. Maneras de vivir.

De todos modos, creo que ya deje bien clarito en el propio texto que esto no era una respuesta al reto en cuestion, porsiaka... asi que no entiendo ni comparto la objecion.

Y finalmente, si me entra la inspiracion y respondo al reto en cuestion, dudo mucho que lo ponga por aqui, y si lo hago pondre un enorme disclaimer aclarando que lo que cuento no es real, no es yo. Este blog trata sobre mi, y me niego a mentir en eso.
Enviado por Sumiciu el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Algunos sueños están dormidos...
Enviado por Cronos el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Eso es cierto.
Y algunos los estoy despertando (echa un ojo al blog nuevo... :)).
Enviado por Pedro y Clau el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Hola perdón la intromisión, si eres El Observador de Yaycos somos Pedro y Clau y te encontramos, un gran y afectuoso saludo, escríbenos para saber de tí.
Enviado por Cronos el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Espero que volvais por aqui...

Si, soy yo!! :)

Pedro el palmesano, y Clau... no recuerdo de que parte del cono sur eras... Pero seguro que no me equivoco... ¡Cuanto tiempo!

Probablemente tenga manera de localizaros... lo intentaré. :)
Enviado por mail el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

[email protected] dale escríbenos, saludos.
Enviado por Sumiciu el jueves, 1 de enero de 1970

Jajja, acabo de leer tu respuesta y se me han ocurrido varias frikeces sobre cómo despertarlos relacionadas con buscadores y spiders..:P
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Cheap Replica High Quality Replica Watches- Replica Watches UK For Sale, We offer high quality and low price Rolex Replica, Such as Replica Cartier Watches,Replica IWC Watches, Replica Panerai Watches Omega Replica Watches and so on.
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